once a rose beginning to bloom
wonderfully made as heaven placed her,
to fill those who need it with love
right out of the New York concrete pavement -

now bent, disheveled, and stomped on
by a few sets of in-a-hurry cold feet

each petal plucked away and kept
to ward off projectile dissatisfaction
within others all the while not even realizing -
each and every petal stolen or picked causes
the flower beyond to begin redacting

not only nan, men,
backhanded comments from their kin?
expressing their displeasure at the sight
of curves gifted by half of my ancestors,
one scolds "fat" as the
other compliments "phat"
growing sculpted as a ginseng bonsai
may seem beautiful, it’s far beyond complicated.. confusing as could be -

i began flattening curves within my very
own temple in duct tape
binding blending to blend as a chameleon -
the method of coping
in attempt to camouflage
the people pleasing defense -
suppressing our very light and existence

boundaries blown down as the body
keeps score - those trauma responses?
or even self sabotage as -
you’re probably better off looking for
a better finer hottie totty
one who isn’t shy to shower you in more
perhaps exactly what you’re looking for

each dagger directed at me by a "loved" one -
i’ll catch with bare hands, let
it dive deep inward and evolving the
growing habit of harming my own temple
unwillingly knowing how to hault the
new harm that came to assemble

suppressed memories haunt the right
of my physical body
a passage for past trauma to roll on my
neck hip or inner thigh in present day
as if moving this distance didn’t
fully delete those tabs i was not yet even
legal to consent my cookie to -
beyond the age limit one blow
or event a "pssst.." -
i took the silver remover accidentally
leaving bruises on my left knee -
where else to redirect this response?
i was left with uncertainty

the season of summer sprung up on us
now needing less purple, yellow, blue,
no colorful knee-hue -
we snap the wrist with a band
sometimes it needs two -
it will nine out of ten times result
with an entire "whew!"

the walls are as durable as q-carbon
though friend if you stay
as they tumble in softness
you’d expose the jungle of a soul -
and may want to swing through the
inner workings and intricate vines
as boldly and free as Tarzan and Jane?


© a.Soul

____________

#; #selfharm #self-help