I UNDERSTAND YOU AGAINST MY WILL
BY C WYNTER

You know what bothers me?, That I can see your point of view,
So emotionally uneducated, the failures I see in you,
Your life didn't go the way you hoped, fact is you never had any plans,
Having kids because you were unloved by your own, I understand,
Probably should've stopped at one, ease the generational burden,
It's just the reality of it, could have stopped so much hurting,
But if I say these things, I would be seen as the ungrateful one,
It's just the logistics of it really, one mistake and two wrongs,
when you told me you disliked me, said with such passion, you thought it'd hurt,
I already knew that, mother, feelings mutual, emotions burnt,
You demand forgiveness, when you haven't even forgiven yourself,
I may have some mental issues, yes, but you also need some help,
Remember when you numbed yourself in spirits? becoming a beast?,
Traumatized your kids for a few years and then the love ceased,
Commend you for your bravery of eventually getting out,
But you see the memories linger, so there will always be doubts,
Yet I see some improvements, I see the change in your faith,
I still see some toxic side though, guess some things you can't escape,
And because of this, I try with you, especially when it gets bad,
But the guilt trips are tiring, so is being your emotional punching bag,
You understand nothing, and don't make much effort to know,
Of the demons that tempt me to end it, and let it all go,
You belittle an illness, because you don't know how to be emotionally supportive,
Assumptions are you're go to, those negative thoughts leads you to be disruptive,
And yet I still try, for I too have flaws, but I hate being mocked,
So when the end comes, don't cry for me or pretend to be shocked,
For what did you think would happen when you kept picking at me about silly fucking things?,
It just gives the negative more power, and then depression wins!,
I remember too much, and when I move on you do something to bring it back,
Man it sucks that I get you, and all the things you lack,
You never had true love, you tried to give what you thought it was,
You've sacrificed, I appreciate it, but you see, it wasn't enough,
You're not bad, you've been broken, and frankly, that's not much better,
But why do I have to carry this load? why do I have to be stronger?,
I can't be your therapist, sadly I can't even offer you friendship,
I can't keep getting kicked when down, it's over, this is it.

© C.Wynter