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If only you knew
When you tell me that I'm strong, I'm thinking of all the times I've cried myself to sleep.
When you tell me that I'm brave, I'm looking back to all the times I dug the blade in my flesh.
The guilt floods my brain, taking me into it's waiting arms.
I hate myself for being weak and it only deepens whenever you tell me I'm not.
Sometimes I wish I had the same faith in myself as you do but the truth is I don't.
I am not the person you see and I hate that you think I am.
Because it makes it harder for me and in the end I'm forced to hid my pain because I want to be the person you think I am.
I'm scarred if that's your definition of strong then I'm afraid I'm not it.
I am scared, scared of revisiting the pain and hurt I've been trying to forget.
Sometimes I wish you'd see me the way I feel, then maybe I wouldn't have to put on this false smile.
© @NatalieChilikwela
When you tell me that I'm brave, I'm looking back to all the times I dug the blade in my flesh.
The guilt floods my brain, taking me into it's waiting arms.
I hate myself for being weak and it only deepens whenever you tell me I'm not.
Sometimes I wish I had the same faith in myself as you do but the truth is I don't.
I am not the person you see and I hate that you think I am.
Because it makes it harder for me and in the end I'm forced to hid my pain because I want to be the person you think I am.
I'm scarred if that's your definition of strong then I'm afraid I'm not it.
I am scared, scared of revisiting the pain and hurt I've been trying to forget.
Sometimes I wish you'd see me the way I feel, then maybe I wouldn't have to put on this false smile.
© @NatalieChilikwela
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