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born to hate myself
They put me in the position of hating myself, making me believe that I was worthless and unworthy of love. It's as if there is a scale or level to how much goodness you are supposed to have to be considered good enough. Their suspicions linger, resembling the eyes of a killer, eagerly anticipating my failure to bring their plans to life. I am treated as a convenient scapegoat, responsible for everything just by being in their presence. It feels like a fabricated story where ulterior motives are assumed, and genuine intentions are doubted, leading to doubts about me as well.
Everyone expects me to demonstrate goodness and good intentions, but any defense or disagreement suddenly paints me as the awful one. It feels like a constant attack, with people viewing themselves as victims and projecting me as the abuser. I have been made a convenient target for blame, perceived as a threat in some way. Simply by glancing at me, they believe everything can be blamed on me, leading to a lack of support and the feeling of being unable to accomplish anything.
Criticism is a constant presence in my life, targeting everything from intellect to body. I feel the need to constantly cater to others' opinions and behaviors to avoid embarrassment. People criticize my appearance, lifestyle choices, and even my body, making me feel the need to seek validation from others. Despite efforts to gain attention and care, it feels pointless as they only pretend to care without genuine concern.
The negative opinions of others weigh heavily on me, making me feel like any action I take will lead to disaster. I am constantly overlooked and unheard, only acknowledged briefly before being forgotten. I struggle to identify with the person I see in the mirror, feeling detached and disassociated from myself. The way others perceive me contrasts with how I see myself, leaving me feeling empty and uncertain.
I harbor deep self-hatred, wishing harm upon myself and despising every aspect of who I am. Positive remarks fill me with disgust, and the idea of ending it all to spare others crosses my mind. It feels like my true self sabotages any good that comes my way, leading to thoughts of self-harm as a means to make the noise stop. The constant criticism for being authentic makes me question my existence and desire for happiness.
The feeling of emitting negativity and being labeled a terrible individual drives me to question my worth and existence. Despite efforts to socialize and form friendships, the fear of eventually being disliked for being myself lingers. The self-punishment and experimentation with harmful behaviors stem from a deep-rooted self-hatred. The struggle to be accepted for who I am leads to a cycle of self-destructive thoughts and actions.
© muniraalik
Everyone expects me to demonstrate goodness and good intentions, but any defense or disagreement suddenly paints me as the awful one. It feels like a constant attack, with people viewing themselves as victims and projecting me as the abuser. I have been made a convenient target for blame, perceived as a threat in some way. Simply by glancing at me, they believe everything can be blamed on me, leading to a lack of support and the feeling of being unable to accomplish anything.
Criticism is a constant presence in my life, targeting everything from intellect to body. I feel the need to constantly cater to others' opinions and behaviors to avoid embarrassment. People criticize my appearance, lifestyle choices, and even my body, making me feel the need to seek validation from others. Despite efforts to gain attention and care, it feels pointless as they only pretend to care without genuine concern.
The negative opinions of others weigh heavily on me, making me feel like any action I take will lead to disaster. I am constantly overlooked and unheard, only acknowledged briefly before being forgotten. I struggle to identify with the person I see in the mirror, feeling detached and disassociated from myself. The way others perceive me contrasts with how I see myself, leaving me feeling empty and uncertain.
I harbor deep self-hatred, wishing harm upon myself and despising every aspect of who I am. Positive remarks fill me with disgust, and the idea of ending it all to spare others crosses my mind. It feels like my true self sabotages any good that comes my way, leading to thoughts of self-harm as a means to make the noise stop. The constant criticism for being authentic makes me question my existence and desire for happiness.
The feeling of emitting negativity and being labeled a terrible individual drives me to question my worth and existence. Despite efforts to socialize and form friendships, the fear of eventually being disliked for being myself lingers. The self-punishment and experimentation with harmful behaviors stem from a deep-rooted self-hatred. The struggle to be accepted for who I am leads to a cycle of self-destructive thoughts and actions.
© muniraalik
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