I have the fear that I am despised,
Might be from when I was constantly criticized.
Trapped in a cage holding the lock and key.
The only person trapping me here is me.
When a person doesn't message or call me back, they must be angry.
Waiting by the phone, staring at it blankly.
Having this pit in my chest all day long.
What have I done wrong?
What have I done this time?
As if I had committed an unknown horrendous crime.
I make myself believe that the silence,
Is just the beginning of their violence.
Even if I have done nothing,
They are ignoring me for something.
The awful thing is that I know, sometimes, it isn’t about me,
But self-hate is all I can see.
So they can probably see it too,
And their silence they don’t mean to see through.
When I continue to panic, the hate I fear comes true.
Put me back in my cage.
For some reason, I had placed myself in center stage.
When I have little to no importance,
Yet I have the fear of their discordance.
“We need to talk later.”
The words of a hater or traitor
What lies are they spewing
In my flesh, the lock, I am sewing
This cage should never be unlocked
The ‘message read’ is still marked.
“Ok.”
Do they know that they are torturing me this way?
One-word answers can be misleading
If you are trying to find an emotion behind their meaning.
Through the phone, meaning has no guarantee.
Though in the end, I believe everyone will hate me.
The key I will swallow,
In this cage, just myself and my shadow.

© A. Tenney