I've been saying for a while
that I'm getting better,
and, for the longest time,
I truly thought I was

Yet lately, my thoughts
have been saying otherwise,
I'm starting to fall
Into a massive decline,
One that's been worse than
I've ever felt

I thought I was alright,
And, for a while, I think I was,
Yet now I'm starting to feel
As if I'm not really okay,
Not anymore

My anxiety is making me
Want to crawl out of my fucking skin,
It's taking over my thoughts,
And sometimes I feel that they might win

Depression is a whole other story,
It's keeping me in bed,
It's causing a war in my head,
It's causing a constant feeling of pure dread

I can't seem to talk about it,
Every time I speak,
The words get stuck in my throat,
And I only choke

But there's this gloom,
This impending feeling of doom,
That's taking over
The thoughts in my head,

The silence and peace I once felt
Has left me so suddenly,
It feels as if I'll never get a rest
From the constant chaos and mess
That's taking place in my brain

I know I'll live,
I know that sometime I'll be alright,
But, at the moment, I know I'm not okay,
There's nothing I can do to get this feeling
To just go away,
There's nothing I can do
To just rid of it and be happy

All I can do is
Just sit tight, try to fight,
And know that this pain will go away

..but will it?

I know that things get better,
But what if they don't?

What if this constant suffering
Just gets cozy and stays,
What if my heart
Becomes heavy and dark,
What if the anxiety never ends,
And the depression continues to win,
And everything that once made me happy
Falls apart and becomes nothing at all,
And it leaves me with
The growing numbness that is beginning to settle
Inside my head?

All I can hope for
Is to again say that I'm okay,
And for it to not be a lie anymore

© sam