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my grief
Its always there, always around
I try to block it out, lock it away
Yet it never leaves, never goes away
Sometimes it hurts, it stings
I can feel the pain, the anguish
Its been months, even years
It's still there, it's still hurting
I thought it left, it would stay gone
However, I was wrong
Just keep remembering, replaying over and over
Like a mantra in my head
'What if' and 'if only' all-day
My only escape is to push it away with distractions
My grief is suffocating me
I can feel myself drowning in an ocean of regret
An endless tunnel keeping me from reaching her
No matter what I do I'm reminded of what I didn't do
Of the horrible mistake I made, the consequence of my error
It's my fault, my negligence
I know it in my heart
I can feel the pain of that carelessness
My grief stays bottled to stop the pain
Yet it hurts worse when it gets out
My heart hurts, my chest hurts
Why
Why does it still hurt
Why is it harming me
Is it karma from my idiocy
That's the only reason I can think of
Its payback for the stupidity
My grief controls my thoughts
Changes what I think, what I believe
I'm unstable, emotionally damaged
I can't handle this pain, this damage
My thoughts turn bad, dangerous
I can't control them, control the anguish I feel
The emotions I have, that I have to deal with
Who would care, would believe me
I'm in pain, I'm distressed, irritaded
But where is everyone
My grief has no end, no limit
It's supposed to go away over time
Supposed to settle, not be painful
How much is too lengthy
Three years, four
It's been four years
Four agonizing years of suffering
No one knows or cares
No one understands, pays attention
My grief makes me angry
Mad at the world, the universe
Irritated at life, at the limitations
Furious with myself, with my mind
Even my sanity
Irritated with my breakdowns
I'm hateful towards everything
My grief, my suffering
Causes my breakdowns at a remembrance of then
My breakdowns hurt, causes me pain
Anguish and agony
I feel it in my heart, in my chest
Who would help, who would care
It's just my grief
© orchi1987
I try to block it out, lock it away
Yet it never leaves, never goes away
Sometimes it hurts, it stings
I can feel the pain, the anguish
Its been months, even years
It's still there, it's still hurting
I thought it left, it would stay gone
However, I was wrong
Just keep remembering, replaying over and over
Like a mantra in my head
'What if' and 'if only' all-day
My only escape is to push it away with distractions
My grief is suffocating me
I can feel myself drowning in an ocean of regret
An endless tunnel keeping me from reaching her
No matter what I do I'm reminded of what I didn't do
Of the horrible mistake I made, the consequence of my error
It's my fault, my negligence
I know it in my heart
I can feel the pain of that carelessness
My grief stays bottled to stop the pain
Yet it hurts worse when it gets out
My heart hurts, my chest hurts
Why
Why does it still hurt
Why is it harming me
Is it karma from my idiocy
That's the only reason I can think of
Its payback for the stupidity
My grief controls my thoughts
Changes what I think, what I believe
I'm unstable, emotionally damaged
I can't handle this pain, this damage
My thoughts turn bad, dangerous
I can't control them, control the anguish I feel
The emotions I have, that I have to deal with
Who would care, would believe me
I'm in pain, I'm distressed, irritaded
But where is everyone
My grief has no end, no limit
It's supposed to go away over time
Supposed to settle, not be painful
How much is too lengthy
Three years, four
It's been four years
Four agonizing years of suffering
No one knows or cares
No one understands, pays attention
My grief makes me angry
Mad at the world, the universe
Irritated at life, at the limitations
Furious with myself, with my mind
Even my sanity
Irritated with my breakdowns
I'm hateful towards everything
My grief, my suffering
Causes my breakdowns at a remembrance of then
My breakdowns hurt, causes me pain
Anguish and agony
I feel it in my heart, in my chest
Who would help, who would care
It's just my grief
© orchi1987
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