That was my first time
I cannot say I wasn't nervous
The reception area was ominous
The waiting room half empty
My entire body felt quite heavy
Interviews of people on the TV
Faces and voices obscured
Narrating their struggles of the once unknown,
It was the same place they ought to go -
Where I was sitting,
And waiting for my fate to unfold.

My heart raced as numbers rolled
God, I needed a hand to hold.
I wanted to be comforted even if I hated the idea
I've always been a lone soldier who braves the arena
I wondered, what would I say to the doctor
When I'm hit by the reality of being a sinner.

I'd feel nothing, I suppose -
I've rehearsed the whole notion in my head a week or so
If this - I'd continue to go on about my quiet existence
And think of being saved and learning my lesson;
I'd quiet down the throbbing desperation
That prods me to be frisky,
Risky - for the sake of intimacy.

If it was the dreaded cross,
This could be my impetus to do the things I really wanted
Make up for time lost
The atrophy that my unpromising preoccupations has caused me
The result will push me
To the boundary of productivity
And appreciation.
Life becomes more precious when you know every day would probably be your last
Bemoaning my recklessness won't do any help
And need not to think about what I did to myself.

I fear not the cross,
But the minds who still think I'm a lost cause
Just because I'm afflicted with this degeneracy
Can someone just hold me?

----------------------------------------------------

Room Half Empty

Fear of the Cross
Mama, Papa is wounded!
The day he fell silent
Letters from Theo
There's something about the dark - I feel safe
Dawn, don't forget me...
Our room has two doors
Blue World

© ajyoyama