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Dear Diary#3
Dear Diary - 30/Aug 2023
Time flies swiftly as it always does… I don‘t know if that should make me feel good or bad if I‘m honest. Maybe somehow good because I‘m still holding on pretty okay, yet equally bad as I feel like nothing has truly changed or that I haven‘t use the time I had the way I should have. Like I told you so many days ago, I was positive in taking a step I knew I needed. Yet that‘s only how far I really got… by telling you.
I had the means, I had the doctors „approval“ and just needed to find a therapist but well… I somehow got stuck on that task. Wondering if it was really necessary because I somehow felt like I was doing better. I know myself better than that of course but there is still this tiny voice I‘d like to call „hope“ that I could cope on my own. So what did I do? I leaped into the comfort of a book, a few books since I last wrote to be more precise. Reading when I could, listening to it as an audiobook when I did chores or whatever, just to keep my mind occupied… of course I did it out of enjoyment too but I believe that‘s only half the truth. A fact that I‘ve only cared to reveal to you now…
I feel like a liar… telling you all about the things I‘ll do to get better but look at me now… glad you can‘t see me, for I don‘t know how I should face you as a person with the judgmental glance you could be giving me. Maybe you‘d even understand in some ways… I surely hope you do.
I feel pretty okay and that‘s not truly a lie, yet I kind of fear the day when it’ll catch up to me and I‘ll fall into that deep pit of emotions and darkness once again… so yeah, I‘m trying to keep my mind busy as much as I can and hoping it could be enough for the time being.
Sorry to be a disappointment once again though…you may tell me that I‘m not but it surely feels like I am.
© BellaWritingHere
Time flies swiftly as it always does… I don‘t know if that should make me feel good or bad if I‘m honest. Maybe somehow good because I‘m still holding on pretty okay, yet equally bad as I feel like nothing has truly changed or that I haven‘t use the time I had the way I should have. Like I told you so many days ago, I was positive in taking a step I knew I needed. Yet that‘s only how far I really got… by telling you.
I had the means, I had the doctors „approval“ and just needed to find a therapist but well… I somehow got stuck on that task. Wondering if it was really necessary because I somehow felt like I was doing better. I know myself better than that of course but there is still this tiny voice I‘d like to call „hope“ that I could cope on my own. So what did I do? I leaped into the comfort of a book, a few books since I last wrote to be more precise. Reading when I could, listening to it as an audiobook when I did chores or whatever, just to keep my mind occupied… of course I did it out of enjoyment too but I believe that‘s only half the truth. A fact that I‘ve only cared to reveal to you now…
I feel like a liar… telling you all about the things I‘ll do to get better but look at me now… glad you can‘t see me, for I don‘t know how I should face you as a person with the judgmental glance you could be giving me. Maybe you‘d even understand in some ways… I surely hope you do.
I feel pretty okay and that‘s not truly a lie, yet I kind of fear the day when it’ll catch up to me and I‘ll fall into that deep pit of emotions and darkness once again… so yeah, I‘m trying to keep my mind busy as much as I can and hoping it could be enough for the time being.
Sorry to be a disappointment once again though…you may tell me that I‘m not but it surely feels like I am.
© BellaWritingHere
