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Remembrance
My love,
Who am I? I am water. I am smooth and gentle, but I am rough when a storm hits. I am fire. I am angry, I'm thriving, but without an opening, I will die. I am wind. I'm always there, even when you don't see me. I am earth. Course, rough, but I am also weak.
You ask of me, you take of me, but you never give. Not unless it's the curse of pain. I am but a puppet being controlled by many strings. Nothing but a mouse for you to hunt. You claim it is all a game, but I see the truth. It's an experiment.The game we ‘play’ is nothing but a way for you to control. For you to break and for you to project upon me pain. You kill me to bring me back to life. Drown me, electrocute me. You force your lies of love and safety upon me. I am a lab rat. I am lost. I am afraid. But I am strong. You burn me. Brand my skin with scars. You stitch me back up. Kiss my wound better. Tell me you saved me. But I remember. You experimented on me. But I'm different. I'm not like the others. You can't wipe away what you did with that needle. You can't force upon me the love that is so clearly fake. The stories that you tell, I see them all for what they truly are. Stories! So tell me dear, Who are you really? Who am I?
Sometimes, but only sometimes, do you really pretend. I remember those nights when you push and shove. I remember when you drank. I remember when you scream at me through tears. You wish that I would forget, Correct?
I should force you into the chains! I should force you to cut yourself while I hold YOUR parents at gunpoint and threaten to shoot them in the head! I should burn you and make you roll on hot coals. I should shove you down the stairs and stand over you as you bleed out on the cold ground. I should cut and slice the same way you did to me so many times. I should drown you OVER and OVER and OVER again. I should make your wish someone would save you. But we will both know no one ever will. Because… how did you put it?
Oh yes, now I remember…
Because you're unlovable. A waste of space. Useless. You are a pest to society. A pest to me. No one could possibly love you. ESPECIALLY NOT ME! Do you remember that? Of course you don't. You aren't just lying to me, you lie to yourself. You fein dumb. You fein innocence.
My love, I just want you to read this, so when you die. YOU. WILL. REMEMBER. ME.
Forever,
Valentine Erondale.
Your experiment,
Your pest.