(At a metro station)
Me, Whether I shall be the hero of my life or whether that station shall be held by someone else, these pages must show.

To begin my life from the very beginning-

Meh, doesn't really suit on a highschool boy telling the story of his life while sitting alone on a station bench. To be honest, the noise of all the trains passing by never bothered me, it just made me detached from this ironical thing we call life, only to fall back hard when the train has passed.Though it is kind of amusing for me, I'm not sitting here to pleasure myself with the feeling of death, I'm just waiting for my train to get to my school. Yes, I'm for real a highschool boy.

(INSIDE THE TRAIN)
Though i just described my life in the most philosophical way i could, it isn't that interesting, it wasn't till the day I saw you smile.

I remember, the first time i saw you was the shittiest day i ever had, well not because of you,but if you haven't guessed it yet I don't enjoy living my life like I should, and to add the cherry, I was punished for something I didn't really do, i don't actually know what was i punished for because I wasn't really paying any attention in the class to be fair,but i recall it was something related to someone throwing a chalk on my teacher.

Well the chalk came from my direction, so i was held accountable for it, i did put up a very bad argument with the teacher but yeah i was punished for it nonetheless. It was a boring class anyway. But then I saw you, across the hall, I was stunned, I never thought or realised a human or something can ever be this beautiful, I swear when I saw you smile, I felt like I just had a rebirth,but it was for a mere few seconds cause I soon realised who I really was, nothing.

You passed by me, but I don't think our eyes ever met when you did, I don't remember, did they?

You were like a dream, so just like that i soon forgot about you, well cause we never met again, and I used to think I repel anything beautiful or anything with meaning.

But if it was our fate or something I don't know, we met again, it was raining and we both forgot our umbrella that day, well i don't even know if you even realised that day that it was me but it was very awkward for me to share the same shed with you, without having a courage to say anything. It was for the first time I ever felt this way.
I wanted to say something so bad, so i gathered whatever courage I had and after thinking for a while I came up with an icebreaker "Forgot your umbrella as well?"
I know it was stupid,but as soon as I was about to say it, I was maybe saved? But interrupted by one of your friends who brought an umbrella for you.

"Perfect timing" I murmured.

Well just like that, our eyes never met and you were gone. After a while I just decided to get wet and rush to the railway station, not a smart idea though, I ended up having a cold on a weekend.


After a few weeks, there was a night festival in our city, which brought loads of fairs and other stuffs in our city.

I decided to check one out one night as I was bored and my mum insisted me to go as it was the last day of the fair, so I did. It was fairly crowded for the last day, people seemed to have a lot of fun. To be honest I kinda felt a little out of placed.
But then I saw something I had completely forgotten about.
'The bumping carts' the sign read.
Oh how bad of a nostalgic trip it was for me after seeing that sign, I can't express. I used to love that thing when I was a kid, so I just decided that I had to take a ride there.

I was already waiting in the queue, which wasn't very long, Maybe almost everyone else already rode this thing, well good for me.

But I didn't realise everyone else in the line was standing in a pair until the ride manager denied my entry inside that small ring with the carts saying "Sorry sir, you'll need a pair to ride these carts" which was really really absurd. Just because two people can sit in the cart it doesn't mean we always have to be in a pair!? I was genuinely disappointed and said something like "Oh okay" and was about to leave but then a hand tapped on my shoulders, shivers ran down through my body, why did i get so scared though?

"I can ride with you" I heard a voice.

I turned back and there you were smiling at me, looking as beautiful as one can ever be, finally our eyes did meet. As bright as the glare in your eyes was my heart started beating. It was still very warm and soothing just looking at you this close.

I just wanted to keep looking at you but i didn't cause that would have been very creepy, but you talking to me made me happy for some reason.


"Whatever" I replied, like a dick I am and proceeded to go inside the ring followed by you.

I had so much fun and however hard I was trying not to smile, it didn't work. I guess you just have that effect on people around you.

It felt like after a very long time, I had a genuine chuckle when we bumped into one of your friends from the back, I remember we looked at each other and started laughing, I remember it all, every inch of it.

Those were definitely the shortest 15 minutes of my life, the only thing I hated about it was that it ended.

We were walking side by side through the exit, I wanted to say something but i didn't even utter a thank you, I couldn't even look at you directly and I started going the other way, to be alone, which did make me a little sad.

Maybe you felt it maybe you didn't but you asked me if I wanted to enjoy the other rides with them and finally I looked at you again, I'm glad i did and said "Thank you"

It made you laugh a little,i don't know why but i do not complain.

I really had so much fun, she really is something else, we ate some junk at the stalls, had so much fun on the rides, I would have never gotten bored but she received a call from her mom asking her to come back Home.

"I have to go now, I had so much fun" she said

"Thank you so much, i had fun as well"
"I don't even know your name though" I added

She gave me a smile, turned away from me and said "Maybe ask it tomorrow at school?"

"Huh" I exclaimed

"Alrighty then, goodnight!" She said joyfully as soon as she started to leave.

I just stood there for a minute, watch her disappear, wondering what just happened.

"Do I have a friend now?"



The next day, I was sitting in my class reading a book called "Life after life" by Raymond Moody, I am not really that spiritual but I developed an interest in the afterlife, I guess I just wanted to know if my death would be as depressing as my life.

My eyes gazed outside the window, I acknowledged how pretty the clouds were today in my mind and then I was about to get back to my book when I saw you standing infront of me,it startled me a bit but i managed to show nothing physically.

"Aw i thought I'd scare you" she said.

"You kinda did" I replied

"So whatchu reading??" The bell rang, as soon as she said that the break was over.

I still replied "Nothing, just a book about afterlife, nothing that interesting"

"Woah, no way! I like reading about it too, how about we meet after school today at the cafe and talk about it, I've a class now" she said hurriedly, before I could even reply she said "Okay deal, meet me at 4, bbyee" and she rushed out of the class while I just sat there with no clue what to say.

For the rest of the day, students of my class kept looking at me, maybe she was kinda popular, I don't know.

I reached at the cafe at 3:57pm, can't blame me, I didn't look that excited but i really was just to see her again.


I waited for like 10 minutes or something, she was late but I didn't mind, I was used to waiting beacuse of the trains anyway, but this time it was quiet and peaceful which for a surprise I didn't mind at all.
And there you were, I could see you coming from the glass panel near the entrance, it made me smile and feel warm inside.

Oh god, I was so into you.

You came in and greeted me with your flauntless smile.

"Sorry I'm a little late, soo what do you wanna do!?" She said.

"You don't really read any books, do you?" I said.


"Hah, is it that obvious? Sorryyy I just had to find a reason to get you interested to be here" she replied with a sorry face.

"Uh why?" I was a little surprised.

"Oh I know , there is a new arcade opening down the street, I wanted to check that out" she replied

"Still doesn't explain why you wanted me here" I said.

"Ugh, why not, I just wanted it to be you who i checked it out with. I-.." she stumbled

"I just think you don't fake it, you know like the others" she said

"Well you might be wrong there, I do fake it most of the times" I replied with almost no emotions.

"See, you just told me the truth, no lies. And I have a little idea how you feel, you don't really have to feel like that. I know why you fake it, it is not to stand out of the crowd but to get lost in it, I know when you laugh or smile, it's always a geniune one."

"Is it that obvious, how i feel? And isn't it still bad that I'm faking it no matter what the reason is?"I replied

I was still a little shocked, i never thought she knew how i really felt or who i really am? I never thought anyone would.

"It is obvious for someone who tries to notice" "And it is not always necessary something has to be a good thing to be liked, sometimes people fall for someone's flaws as well you know" she said .

"Did- did you just confess?" I replied with a little bit of humour.

"Omg i didn't mean it that way, ahh come on don't make it more embarrassing for me than it already is, let's just go to the arcade"

I nodded and said "Alrighty then"


We had so much fun that day, and maybe that conversation we had before made me open up to her, it really helped me bond with her. I felt like, like she understood me.

I never read 'life after life' again after that day, maybe she made my life a little less depressing?

After a few months, I was so in love with her, ofcourse she didn't know how i feel and i didn't know how she does either, i didn't mind though, I was happy being just friends with her.

We used to hangout like everyday, we went to boat riding once, we used to eat our lunches together in school, we used to enjoy each other's company even if we're not doing anything.

But as they say, every good thing has to end, every dream has its own gloomy morning.
After almost a year, it was time for you to leave.


I met with her, a night before she was going to leave because of her dad getting a transfer to a different city.

"We will still check on each other daily okay?, I'm still gonna annoy you everyday"

"Bet" i nodded.

She didn't really seem that sad to me so i tried to hide all the sad emotions I had and said "Well have fun there, try not to get in any troubles, which is very unlikely"

In other words, I faked it.

We talked for a while then she left for home, "Come by my house tomorrow okay? Before I leave?" She smiled
it was the last time I ever saw her smile because I never went to her house the next day, I texted her "I've a fever, can't come, happy travels" which was again a lie, i just didn't wanna see her leave.
I stayed in my room the whole week, maybe I even cried a little.

But we were still talking on the phone or texts, at least for a few weeks, then she stopped responding to my texts like she used to before, maybe she moved on but I couldn't.

It was hard for me, i missed everything about her, everything reminded me about her.
I fell into depression again, i barely ate, but i didn't bother to tell her all this whenever we texted once a week.

My mom dad were sick worried about me and i know I was being selfish not thinking about them.

I couldn't see them like this, or couldn't see me like this, so i decided.

I looked up.Mhm the clouds look pretty, i thought in my mind. But this time when i looked infront of me, you weren't there. I chuckled.

"Let's search for the afterlife"

And I jumped of a rooftop of a tall building.
I just couldn't take it anymore.



*BLANK*



(I open my eyes to mind myself in a classroom)

"Is this the afterlife?"
I soon recognised where I was, it's my classroom from last year.

"Mhm so it's still depressing like my life was"
I was confused so as to why I was here, but then I realised, it's the day I got punished, it's the day I saw you for the first time.

"Well well well, atleast I'll get to see the real culprit behind this now"

I knew someone threw a chalk, so i just decided to wait and see who it really was.

Time passed by, and then I saw you outside, still beautiful in my memories.

As the time passed by, i kept waiting, there was like only 10 minutes left for the class now but no one really threw a chalk yet.

"I remember I was out for more than 10 minutes" panic started to kick in.

What's going on? Why is no one throwing a chalk?

I saw you outside, I don't know why but it felt like you were leaving, I panicked more and started to look if someone was gonna throw the chalk or not.

While looking I saw a chalk on the floor, without thinking I just picked it up and threw it. And the thing which was supposed to happen, happened.

"Wait, so in the end... it really was me who threw it?"

I saw my old self admiring you, i can see how you saved me, I can see if it wasn't for you I'd have been dead a long time ago, or not, maybe I was already dead inside when I first saw you, 'You were the afterlife I was looking for'.

But why then, why were you taken away from me? Is it because I didn't fight for you, is it because I'm weak?

Thinking about this made my heart beat faster and in no time i collapsed again..
"Maybe this is the end" i murmured.

But then, when i opened my eyes again, I saw you, sitting beside me, crying.
I'm sorry I didn't want you to cry.

I saw my journal in your hand, in which I've written all of this.
You realised I opened my eyes and screamed out loud for the nurse.

I reached my hand to you, I know you were saying something like i was gonna be okay or everything is gonna be okay, but i knew it wasn't.
I brought you close to me and said-
"I never got to ask you- your name that day"


Fin.

A page from Her diary- *"Our eyes did meet, but you were blinded by your own reflection in my eye, it's just how beautiful you are to me."*


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