I’m diving into my mind
Running towards anything that will hurt
For this growing numbness
Has set my whole being on distress and high alert

I slam the doors open
As I’m crashing through my memory lane
Not caring about the consequences
Or if I’ll be strong enough to close them shut again

I’m in desperate need to feel
To let every bad memory swallow me whole
Until I’m unable to breathe
Beyond any reason of understanding or control

I crave the harm it does
To ensure that I haven’t forgotten the past
And to wallow in self-destruction
Because I’m an expert on feeling like an outcast

Maybe I’ve gone crazy
While lingering on the surface of the depth
Trying to find peace with it all
Out of fear that it would forcefully take my last breath

Or maybe I was an easy prey
For I‘ve always cherished the scars I‘ve carried
Needing them to feel alive
And never being able to leave them lost and buried

So now I‘m on a killing spree
For a victim that won‘t even try to fight back
Because I‘ll gladly surrender
If I can sleep in the abyss of my darkest black

© BellaWritingHere