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Have you ever
Have you ever sat down or in your comfort zone asked yourself those deep questions?
Like, who am I? Who I am meant to be?
What are my likes and dislikes?
Does it make me happy, or sad? Why did I have the tendency to chase people away? Why is my love life stagnant?
Those soul deep questions.
And when you are done asking and thinking,
You become confused and in a dilemma as if those particular questions don't relate or ring a bell to you.
You become speechless and deep down you are afraid of the answer to those questions.
Those days I do wonder why, I wonder how a full grown person never really knows herself well enough to share some particular details, and that was because I haven't found myself in those shoes.
But the day i attempt this deep thinking,
Then I reimagined and I found out that it was not as easy as it looked.
That the heart will relive again the pains it has passed through,
That the mind will shut down leaving it in a confusing state
That the body will convulse if not careful seize and remain static,
That the eyes will cry, until it becomes red as a mechanism to cope with the pain
The downpour that you do not know when or how it starts.
So when people ask me, what do I know about myself
Or when I saw a videos or audios asking the same thing in an inspirational way
All I answered with or use to comfort myself is that I am still holding on.
“Call me a coward, I know I am already”.
That was what the world beat into me,
But let me continue to use this fake bravado to mask what's lie beneath.
Even with my cowardness,
That doesn't make me weak, because those memories no matter how I don't want to dig deep, still echo and linger in the back of my brain as a constant reminder of how painful the knowledge of myself can be.
© Victoria Damilola
Day: 085/100
#the100wrtingmarathon
Like, who am I? Who I am meant to be?
What are my likes and dislikes?
Does it make me happy, or sad? Why did I have the tendency to chase people away? Why is my love life stagnant?
Those soul deep questions.
And when you are done asking and thinking,
You become confused and in a dilemma as if those particular questions don't relate or ring a bell to you.
You become speechless and deep down you are afraid of the answer to those questions.
Those days I do wonder why, I wonder how a full grown person never really knows herself well enough to share some particular details, and that was because I haven't found myself in those shoes.
But the day i attempt this deep thinking,
Then I reimagined and I found out that it was not as easy as it looked.
That the heart will relive again the pains it has passed through,
That the mind will shut down leaving it in a confusing state
That the body will convulse if not careful seize and remain static,
That the eyes will cry, until it becomes red as a mechanism to cope with the pain
The downpour that you do not know when or how it starts.
So when people ask me, what do I know about myself
Or when I saw a videos or audios asking the same thing in an inspirational way
All I answered with or use to comfort myself is that I am still holding on.
“Call me a coward, I know I am already”.
That was what the world beat into me,
But let me continue to use this fake bravado to mask what's lie beneath.
Even with my cowardness,
That doesn't make me weak, because those memories no matter how I don't want to dig deep, still echo and linger in the back of my brain as a constant reminder of how painful the knowledge of myself can be.
© Victoria Damilola
Day: 085/100
#the100wrtingmarathon
