What is it you’re looking for?

Idk, Something similar to what I had before I guess. Something tangible. Something real. Someone to help me grow and add to my enjoyment in life and for them to allow me to add to theirs.
I’m introverted by nature and I don’t do social media.

Then why did you come here?

Idk tbh….I guess I just figured I would try to find like minded people who feel the same about life, love and friendship as I do…..but it’s extremely rare these days to find someone who is actually willing to talk and open up. And just talk about anything and everything with no strings attached. Just open conversation.

And you would think it would be easier then it is, but it’s not. It’s funny how we can write about our innermost thoughts and feelings and post them for the world to read yet we get complete writers block when speaking to one another, one on one.

But at the same time , I understand the psychological concept and hesitancy of not opening up to a stranger.

And that’s the hard part. How do you filter out the genuine people from the creeps?
And how do you know who you’re actually talking too online? It takes time to ascertain the honest hearted people from the ones who want to hurt you.

Everyone seems so fake and they hide behind a cloak of ambiguity.

Which I must admit, I completely respect.
But the more I read, the more I see…..I don’t belong here.
Even when I take the initiative I feel as though I’m invading someone’s personal space. I often refrain from DM’ing people for fear how it may be taken.
I just think the world is so messed up, people find it hard to trust anyone these days.

It’s kind of sad isn’t?
Maybe she misunderstood you.
Perhaps……but maybe she didn’t want to either.
What do you mean?
We’ll let’s think about it for a minute.
Why would she even want too?
She’s content with her life and already has her circle of friends.
So why would she want to pursue a friendship with someone she’ll more then likely never meet in person?

That’s an excellent observation.
Now that I think about it, even the friends you had before in past left you for the same reason.
They realized they would probably never see you again because you travel so much so they just figured it would be best to just end the friendship.

In fact, didn’t she tell you that it hurts her every time she sees you because she knows your just going to end up leaving again?

She did, I do remember that. But it doesn’t make sense to me. I firmly believe that you can maintain a solid close friendship with someone even from a distance.

But she wanted you physically there….
Like your other friend who told you, whenever she thinks about you, it’s like seeing her favorite dress but she can never put it on.

Yeah, I do remember that, it was a weird analogy but I understood what she meant.
We had so much history together too. We practically grew up together. Even after I was married, she would often come over and have a cup of coffee with us and just fall asleep on the couch. She was such a beautiful friend….I miss her but I have to respect her wishes too. She said it’s too hard to talk to me knowing she won’t be able to see me and hang out with me, So it’s best if we just never talk.

You see, Some people just like to have tangible friendships. Friends that you can feel and touch. Which I get, but it’s not an option for me.

So how does that make you feel?
Tbh? Discouraged….and lonely.
I mean, did they ever think about how I feel?
Here I had to leave all my friends and family to travel to help other people. Which I don’t regret, but I had to go to places where I knew no one. This is when I needed my friends the most for love and support but no one was there for me because it was too hard for them to talk me being so far away. but I missed them! And I needed them. I had no one to talk too, to laugh with to just talk about life with. To share my adventure with.

So I have to ask myself….. were they really true friends? Would a true friend leave your side when you needed them the most?
Were they friends with me out of convenience or just to fill a void?

It’s a catch 22. YOU can’t keep it touch because it hurts too much to talk to me but it hurts ME just as much that you don’t want to keep in touch.

Someone has to yield. Who will acquiesce?
It’s always me.
So what are you really searching for then?
I guess I’m just hoping to meet a friend who feels the same.
Someone who doesn’t allow distance to affect the friendship.
Someone who values the concept of maintaining a close friendship with someone despite being so far away.
Someone who is ok with pictures and text and not physically being able to see me all the time.
Someone who is ok with just talking about the normal things in life, love, friendship, sex. Intellectual conversation, hopes, dreams and everything in between.
Someone who actually wants me in their life.
Someone who thinks of me when something new and exciting happens in their life.
Someone who takes the initiative to make my day as I would do the same.

© JustAnotherInkling🎨