I can barely fit in the box I was given,
I could barely interact with other children.
I try to squeeze in every day,
I try to see if there is a way
By nightfall, I'm close to suffocating,
Around bedtime, I am deliberating.

My boyfriend thinks nearly the same,
He said the other day,
Even if he were to build a town for me,
I would still find it suffocating and tight,
Like I'm ambitious and selfish,
Always hungry for more, and it's never enough.

Why settle for a palace,
When the world is mine to claim?
My girlfriend is not mindful of certain things,
She calls me a conspiracy theorist,
Says I'm never satisfied or fine with what I have,
I tell her to delve deeper,
No fun in being an NPC.

I let her be delusional in this illusion of peace,
As long as she's fulfilling her purpose,
You know, everybody has their role to play.

So tight, this skin of mine feels,
So hard and stainless, it steals
My soul, heart, and mind must evacuate,
If I tell it straight,
And move into a Baroque-style palace,
Unlimited complexities; I walk with no malice,
Let my being loose in the grandeur halls,
Eventually, catch myself in a free-fall,
And finally, hear all my voiceless thoughts,
My mind, a car that has been parked in empty parking lots,
And roam free in the gardens, get lost in the labyrinth,
A maze, a puzzle made out of expensive fabric,
Drown in the unknown and see the world
From all the possible perspectives,
Find the inner being that can achieve anything.

I don't want anyone around,
I need to block out all the sound,
Not now, when I have a sword thirsty for blood,
What's a sword without a little blood on it,
Not now, while I admire the flowers and play with loaded guns,
I can't just mope around as my prime is fugacious,
Not now, when I am on my way to explore my whole depth,
Not now, when I am on my way to a killstreak,
Not now, when I can almost see what I've envisioned,
Not now, and maybe never, because
I want to remain deep in there.

A madwoman is not fit for a wife,
A sad world without happy places is strife,
I want to make love, but I don't want your heart,
I want flesh to flesh, but I don't want no cuddles,
A wild girl wouldn't make a good mother to your son,
A hard-working woman can't give her full devotion to none,
I run through the spirituality and the sensuality,
Frivolous, yet I know where I want to be,
With every page, I raise the bar like a crazy one,
After every line, I feel like I haven't won,
Every metaphor feels like raising a gun, it's threatening,
How fast these words have spun; I'm always in search for more in a war with myself.

It must be that I was meant for something more,
If satisfaction is the death of desire; I can't allow my desire to die,
The words echo inside my head as I abandon the floor,
Etched in my brain as I reopen this door,
I levitate higher with every stroke of the pen,
Meditate on organic doses of dopamine again,
I pray in heaven with every line of mine,
Amen.
© .🌹.

Gulian & Juliet
@Gulian2.0 & @JJuliet

'The Rose's and Juliet's thorns'