Here I lay in a blue hammock,
Gently, in the breeze, it does rock.
I am pondering what lies ahead,
Yet still my mind wanders instead.

I've been troubled for quite awhile,
Thoughts and feelings out of style.
Where is my love, faith and pride?
All my energy faded from inside.

It's been a few weeks since I wrote
For I felt that my life a sinking boat.
Notions seducing me not being here,
My life doesn't seem so sincere.

As I watch the clouds change shape,
I think, from darkness can I escape?
A good sort's advice "not at Xmas"
She's right, lives will sour like citrus.

Yes that is right, no spirit within me,
No ho ho ho nor joy for me to see.
So flat I am feeling, damn oh damn,
My pill went up to twenty milligram.

I fookin hate taking shit like these,
But I'm willing if for mind of peace.
Still life's end thoughts are clear,
One attempt already was so near.

Yet here I am, still around just alive,
A miracle somehow I did survive.
I had good help and I still do so now,
Just gotta embrace them somehow.

Accept what's done, look ahead still,
And keep believing in my goodwill.
Now night has come, stars on show,
I'm watching satellites come and go.

Yes those bloody thoughts creep in,
For many it is ideas of made of sin.
No matter how I try to nullify them,
Thoughts grow from my brain stem.

Although silently it kills me inside,
I'll push things for 2 weeks aside.
In that time, I'll seek the true me,
Be greater human than the old thee.

If by 2 weeks, my mind not sound,
The next year I might not be around.
Yep, them thoughts are life turner,
But for now they're on backburner.

©EKEllis(2016)