for the first time on a fourteenth of February,
i have this feeling like i'm yearning for something i've lost.

'cause after all those years passed floating,
i've had a chance dreamlike.

but i've missed it,
i've missed the possibility of current just 'cause
i couldn't have passed the thorns of my past.

now i'm here,
free from all of them -include the ones i couldn't even name
but i don't feel light,
i don't belong anywhere I'm at.

i'm frozen as it rains,
i'm freezing as it pours colder and darker to deep inside my bones.
and i'm trying to find a way out,
but i know it's not possible anymore
and i shouldn't try for it.

'cause the more i do it, the more i'll be closer of forgetting you.

that's why i'll be accepting all those i couldn't as the way they happened to become a reality
and live with having you as a tattoe on my heart:
fading letters
that take me back to the moments we've once had.

surely,
i still want a chance to be with you,
but i want more
not to forget what it was like to have a chance of loving you
and
being one of your beloved ones.
© sandy