And sometimes all I want is to Love, but how can I ? the scabs over my heart don't let me, the scars of past haunt me, and the shattered pieces of self are too sacred of the world that even when I try gasp for love my lungs collapse under the collosal damage that followed last time I breathed. The tears which inexplicably rolled down my cheeks bind me down, form any further strolls into the Adobe of cupid. The pain I can endure but the horrors are simply too much for me to bear, and this soul Riddeled with the markings of those who claimed to be the permanent I was never looking for, the calims of those who said they were meant to saty and the saying of those who felt like home, cant bear to long the musings of Eros; yearns to cease. Maybe I will be able to love again but the stakes are high and I don't want to loose myself yet again for a luxury which is too expensive to afford for the simpleton I am. all I know is that to love is to be lost, in a city of wonders; to not fall in love it seems too harsh a punishment of a crime that I never committed, one my gullible heart did.And so I conclude the abyss in me is not one of falure in love but therein of lack of it. The pain of separation is dearly felt every night, when the abyss wakes up and the world sleeps, it twists and turns with a longing to be filled upto the brim and overflow, I pity for the poor thing which beats purposely to keep me alive to be endeavoured by the emptyness inside out. And still terrible me wants to love and be lost, yet I am afraid, completely shook and in a constant state of dread. Well after much tribulations of self I conclude, love is a go0d, gentle, plesant maybe the best thing to happen to someone, yet for me I decide not to bear the beatings of the grueling world. I have been set for good to sleep and with no dreams of love I do feel miserable, broken, lost but it's still better than the unattainable goals of forever. It's not that I have developed a haterade for love, I am just too scared of the wonders of love. . And to my beloved I have not forgotten you,nor will I ever and how can I ? for you have been one smile gained in a world deprived of happiness, one live dedicated to the pleasant, one World full of wonders and most importantly my love. A blessing from the divine.

this is the first part of the essay I will be posting in parts in the upcoming days, please do share, read and comment your opinions on how I fared the topic, any suggestions are welcome with warm heart, do not forget to recall your encounters with the devine (love) in comments
LOVE NOT
LIVE NOT


© Sanskar Choudhary
#love #life #God #laistory #experience #heartbroken #ishq #sad #emotions #memories