I have stared into the sun mocking it and life, which can be unrelentingly ruthless.
I know, because I come from an existence of violence and hatred.
I have never known peace,
because I was born into chaos.
Raised on terror and fear.
My soul is tortured, as my youthful world was cold, bleak and empty, the loneliness sliced through my mind.
Life had been about survival and the false pretense of happiness.
Behind my smiling eyes was the silence of melancholy.
I survived and managed to create a mundane life where my existence was of little consequence.
Now, in my late fifties I find myself negotiating through the labyrinthine maze of unrelenting physical pain, trying to find a reason to get up everyday.
Life has never been easy for me nor do I expect it to ever be.
I know that the rest of my existence will be from one trial to another, something always trying to make me quit. I seek catharsis from reading and my writing for release from this pain.
I know that someday the universe will grant me mercy and take me from this chaotic life. Until then, I will suffer in silence, longing for a love I know I’ll never receive.
© MJA
#pain #painfulmemories #writco #catharsis #wordporn