if i could do it all again
i think i would
but i think i’d change a few things
but i’d do it again in a heartbeat
i’d take the anxiety
the fear
the pain
the tears
i’d take it all again
i felt seen
i felt like
all the pain i’d been through
merely was worth it in the end
i do feel that i wasted sometime
but i didn’t waste all of it
because the people i met along the way
the friends i made
the women i met in particular
i was always guilty for no reason
i felt odd
the way i imagine a god feels
when they know that what they created
was merely better off never being a concept
the way a god has a mortal moment
or the way a demon or devil
remembers their mortal moment
sometimes i think
maybe i am god
maybe the concepts that live in my head
have feelings thoughts and a conscious
all the things we argue that make us human
maybe those thoughts are just as human as me
but if i could live this life again
knowing all that i know now
it wouldn’t be torture
even though i want to die
it’d be heaven to me because
i could fix the things and issues
of my past which bothered me to my core
if i could live this life again
i would.

© Elizabeth Flynn